Raccoon Babies
by muggleborn444
Summary: Based on a real life experience. Lily & her friends are having a sleepover and the Marauders are having a sleepover... what happens when the boys sneak over and find a family of raccoons living in Lily's garage? Mild L/J. Funny Sirius! Sexy underwear...:


AN: (THROWS HANDS UP IN FRONT OF HER FACE) PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I have been on vacation with no internet for about a month! And since this is based on a true story… I wrote it before updating my other stories… SO KILL ME! Actually don't. Then I can't update Fighting Fate, Mistexts (a Max Ride story) and Collection (another MR story). Anyways, this is based on a true story except there were only three raccoons. It was a nightmare. Anyways… READ AND REVIEW! Even if it is only to tell me the various ways you want to slowly torture me for the extended waiting.

CLAIMER: ALL MINE BABAY!!! Just kidding. Kind of. I own the raccoons in a way, and the plot and everything… right? Cuz it happened in my life? Whatever. Technicalities, technicalities.

Disclaimer: This is getting old. Do you recognize the characters? Then CLEARLY THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME.

"And he was all like, 'wait WHAT?' and I was all like, 'oh yeah, she did too' and then…" Lily Evan's cut over her best friend Alice Conroy's 'mindless chatter'.

"Al… it is almost midnight… I don't think I can take much more of…"

"You." Lily's other best friend, Marlene McKinnon groaned, laying back on her sleeping bag. Alice looked affronted and Lily giggled. The three 16 year old girls were camped out on Lily's bedroom floor. Lily was lying on her stomach on her bed that the girls had scooted so that the headboard was wedged under the window of her wall. Her elbows currently propped up her head as she leaned over her footboard. Alice and Marlene, who preferred Marley (as she was as much of a tomboy as Alice was a girly-girl) were in lying on their sleeping bags, facing the inside of the triangle they made. Lily's parents were vacationing in Paris for the summer, and her sister Petunia was spending quality time with 'The Walrus', as Lily and her friends had dubbed Petunia's fiancé, Vernon Dursley. The three girls had made the most of the situation, and now Alice and Marley would be spending the whole summer with Lily.

"You know, I take offense at that. I was only telling you…"

"The most boring pointless story ever," Marley cut in. "Let's play a game."

"Like what? A board game?" Lily looked questioningly between her friends, who both rolled their eyes.

"No, something like Truth or Dare, or, if there were boys, Spin the Bottle, Seven Minutes in Heaven… games like that. Sleepover game…s?" Alice trailed off as they heard a crash downstairs, soon followed by a very high-pitched and girly scream.

"Ugh. I hope that's not Petunia." Lily grumbled, swinging her legs to the floor as the others got to their feet.

They pattered over to the door and were at the top of the stairs when they heard a distinctly male voice mutter, "Stupid Muggle things. They're everywhere."

The girls froze and looked at each other. "Petunia doesn't have a man's voice now does she?" Alice questioned in a whisper, glancing at Lily who shook her head. "Does it sound like The Walrus? Oh wait, stupid question, duh! He doesn't know words like 'muggle'. So… who could it be? And what are they doing?" Lily was very pale.

"Could… could it be… Death Eaters?" She whispered, horrified. The other girls sobered at the thought before Marley shook her head.

"Nah… they wouldn't have alerted us to the fact that they are here… they are much sneakier than that. Why don't we go check it out? Lil, can you tell where they are?" Alice and Marley waited for Lily to answer.

"The garage. And they are making a mess. My parents are going to kill me." Lily giggled a bit. Even though there was a possible wizard-burglar in her house, the fact that it wasn't a Death Eater made the situation much less scary.

"We're going to need weapons since we aren't allowed to use our wands for magic in a muggle home." (AN: Is this a law? I know about the under age law, and the whole statute of secrecy but is this a real law?) Marley stated, grabbing a broom from the closet at the top of the stairs. Lily ducked into her parent's room and grabbed the baseball bat her dad kept in his room because someone in the Yankees had signed it. She crept back out and waited with Marley at the stairs.

Alice had tiptoed back into Lily's room over a minute ago and she still wasn't back. Marley sighed and made to walk towards Lily's room when Alice came out swinging the cords of two hairdryers, with three hairbrushes stuck in her pj pants, and almost a hundred hair ties covering her wrists. At the others' incredulous stares, she whispered, "What? I thought it would be best to be really prepared. I could swing these and club them and then I could fling these ties at them and throw brushes and stuff…" Marley closed her eyes, took a deep breath through her nose and tuned to creep down the stairs, pointedly ignoring Alice. If Lily hadn't known the two were best friends she would be worried. As she turned to follow Marley, Alice muttered, "What did I do?" before following the others.

They reached the door to the garage within a minute and braced themselves to open the door. "WAIT!" Lily whisper-shrieked. "We aren't wearing much clothing…" It was true. Though Lily's red hair looked nice hanging down to her shoulders with her pajamas, she was only wearing a dark green silk camisole with dark green silk short-shorts. Marley's milk chocolate brown hair was in a ponytail, but she was wearing the same thing in red. Alice's black hair had been in a ponytail, but now most her hair was floating around her head in a sort of deranged halo. She was wearing dark blue short shorts, but a short dark blue negligee was her top instead of a cami.

Alice looked worried for a second, but Marley just shrugged. "So? We beat them up, toss them out, and they won't even care what we are wearing. Ready?" The other girls nodded reluctantly. Lily moved to the front, seeing as it was her house, and held up three fingers. As she tucked the last one under, the girls raised their weapons and kicked open the door yelling loudly. The automatic lights kicked on and four boys turned at the noise, three of which started screaming, (one in the same high-pitched voice they had heard earlier) while one merely covered his ears. Remus Lupin soon had to lower his hands though, because one Sirius Black had just leapt into his arms, still shrieking. James Potter hid behind them, and Peter just collapsed in a heap on the floor. It only took a few seconds for everyone except Sirius to stop screaming. He kept on and on until Marley threatened to knock him out with her broom if he didn't shut up. Remus promptly dropped him, earning him a glare from the 16 year old boy now sitting at his feet. James stepped out of Remus' shadow.

"What… how… what… why… what… huh… wait. What the bloody hell are you four doing in my GARAGE!" Lily spluttered.

Remus rolled his head to look at James who shuffled his feet. "Well you see, we were having a sleepover at my place, and we were bored. So Sirius suggested games we could play, but they all involved girls, and since none of us are girls…"

"Go figure." Marley muttered, but then looked pointedly at Sirius who proceeded to look affronted.

"ANYWAYS… we decided," at Remus' glare James backtracked, "I mean, I suggested that we visit you since Alice and Marley were staying with you since your parents are in Paris and your sister is with 'The Walrus'. And the others agreed to come."

"Oka… wait. HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE MY FAMILY IS? AND THAT MY FRIENDS WERE HERE? AND HOW DID YOU GET IN? Lily shouted.

"And what was with the girlish shrieking before?" Marley added.

James put his hands behind his back looking sheepish and Remus started whistling. Peter was still in a heap on the garage floor, but surprisingly enough Sirius answered as he jumped up to face Marley.

"I do NOT shriek like a GIRL. I do not even SHRIEK. I bellow like a man." He put his hand on his hips and raised his head in the air, trying to look off into the distance.

"Wait, that was YOU!" Alice shrieked and then all three girls were rolling on the ground laughing.

"Whoo, that is just too funny." Marley laughed.

"Just like seeing them in pajamas!" Lily shouted sending the two other girls into another fit of laughter. James was wearing green plaid pj pants with a white v-necked tee, Sirius was wearing black pj pants with red hearts and a black v-necked tee, Remus was wearing blue striped pants and a white tee, and Peter was wearing a onesie.

"Well, I rather LIKE seeing YOU three in pajamas… or do those even count?" Sirius smirked at them. The girls looked confused for a minute before looking down and realizing what they were wearing.

"Wait, AHHHHHH!!!" Lily shrieked, Alice and Marley joining in. "Shut up." Lily muttered, blushing furiously. (AN: How are blushes furious? And angry silences… and all of those other ones. I never understood them…) "And you still haven't answered any of my questions.

"That's because A) I am scared to tell you, and B) I want to be able to come back." James answered. Lily leveled a glared at him. "But I can tell you why we were… nervous." Lily raised one eyebrow, mouthing the word, 'Oh?'

Before James could answer, something small and furry shot out from under Lily's dad's car and ran into a corner. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sirius shriek was so high-pitched that the girls swore glass was about to break. When they thought it was safe to take their hands off their ears they heard Sirius bellowing, "WHAT THEY BLOODY EFFING HELL ARE THOSE BLOODY EFFING CREATURES AND WHY THE BLOODY EFF DO THEY KEEP DOING THAT?!?!" Lily tried not to laugh, and instead turned to the corner it disappeared into. There was very little light, since it was midnight and there was only the garage light on, but there was enough light to show that there was a family of seven raccoons nested there. (AN: SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE!)

"Crap." Lily muttered. The six magic-born wizards looked at her questioningly. "It looks like there is a family of raccoons living in my garage." At their questioning gaze she added, " They are kind of like giant squirrel-cat things. You do know what squirrels and cats are right?" They all nodded. "Well, raccoons are bad because once they live somewhere, even if you get rid of them they will want to come back. But we are going to get rid of them right no…" as she was searching for more raccoons, Lily finally seemed to really look at her garage.

"WOULD SOMEONE LIKE TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IT LOOKS LIKE WWIII HAPPENED IN MY GARAGE!!!" She was furious. Alice and Marley winced as they too took in their surroundings for the first time. Even in the dim light you could tell it was a mess. Everything had been pulled off of the shelves, there were raccoon prints everywhere, raccoon poop everywhere, and the grocery bags Lily had left in there the night before had been ripped open and there was food strewn everywhere. Since the car windows had been down, Lily could see footprints all over the seats.

"It was like this when we came." James said.

"Blame THEM." Sirius whispered in a wild voice, eye twitching as he pointed to the corner where the raccoons seemed to be watching them. (AN: Is it scary that I can picture this perfectly? LOL)

Lily scowled. "Okay there is one for each of us. The object of the mission is to rid the garage of raccoons." As the others started to head for various weapons of choice Lily called out one more thing. "Oh and don't get to close. They might be rabid."

"They might be WHAT?" Sirius shrieked whirling to face Lily.

"They might be rabid." She repeated.

" … Huh? Rabbits? They might have rabbits? Can I have one!"

"NO SIRIUS. THEY MIGHT BE RABID. WHICH MEANS THEY COULD GIVE YOU RABIES! NOT RABBITS!"

"BABIES? THEY COULD IMPREGNATE ME? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"(silence)… whatever. Just don't touch them." Lily sighed. The others nodded.

Sirius snorted and muttered to himself, "As if." He glared at the raccoons. "You won't impregnate ME… oh no…" he walked off to open all the doors and windows to the outdoors so that they could shoo the raccoons away. (AN: Have I ever mentioned how much I love making Sirius ditsy? I love him.) When Remus, Marley, Lily, and Alice approached the corner, four raccoon immediately shot out of the garage, through various doors and windows. The last three just huddled together, pressed just far enough under a shelf that they couldn't be reached.

"I have an idea." Lily muttered grimly. She disappeared into the house and came back a few minutes later with a leaf blower in her hand.

"What is THAT?" Alice asked.

"A leaf blower. It doesn't do anything except blow hot air…"

"Kind of like Sirius!" Marley put in as Sirius turned to glare at her.

"BUT it makes a loud noise which I am hoping will scare the other three out." They all nodded, but most of them still flinched as the engine roared to life. Two more raccoons scampered out the doors, but there was still one raccoon that would simply not leave. It used the confusion of the other two dashing away to climb up onto the ceiling, hiding between the garage door and the ceiling. For the next half of an hour the seven teens chased the raccoon around the garage always jumping away when it got too close. Finally, James managed to sweep the raccoon off of the ceiling with a broom, and keep it from climbing back up. Before it could find another hiding place, Lily revved the leaf blower and the poor raccoon finally had enough, and hightailed it out of there.

"YES!" Sirius cheered. Everyone else just smiled wearily, and Peter just whimpered. They quickly shut all of the doors and windows so that the raccoons didn't come back.

"I hope they think that this place is haunted or possessed and never come back." Lily stated, checking through the window to see if she could spot a raccoon anywhere.

"Well. Now that that is done."' James said grinning.

"Not quite." Lily interjected. "We still have to clean up." They all groaned as they took in their surroundings.

"But it's so LATE!" Sirius whined.

"Actually, it would be more accurate to say, 'It is so EARLY' because it is almost one in the morning." Alice remarked, glancing at the watch on her wrist. Sighing they got to work. Four hours later the bone-weary group evaluated the work.

"Spotless." Marley yawned.

"Perfect." James yawned even wider. "How are we gonna get home now? I'm too ((YAWN)) tired." The other boys also nodded.

Lily thought about it. Since her parents were planning to move during her school year (they were all going into their seventh year), they had sheets over all the couches and other furniture, and the bedrooms were all full of boxes. The girls had moved all of Lily's boxes into the guestroom the day they got there. She was about to tell them there was no room, but then she saw how tired they were, and realized how much they had helped. THEY hadn't led the raccoons in. THEY hadn't made the mess. But they had helped get rid of them and clean up. She sighed. "One second." She pulled the other girls into a huddle.

"They are exhausted. My room is the only room. They will have to stay with us. What do you think?" Lily looked at them, pleading with her eyes for them to understand.

"It's fine with me." Alice said, and then they both looked at Marley.

"Oh alright." She snapped.

"THANK YOU!" Sirius cried, before flinging his arms around Marley's knees, kneeling at her feet.

"Hey! You aren't supposed to be in our huddle!" Alice exclaimed.

"Does this mean we can stay?" James asked. Lily sighed and then nodded. Before the boys could move towards the door she flung out her arm.

"We are moving so the only place you guys can sleep is in my room. There will be NO shenanigans. (AN: LOVE THAT WORD SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!) NONE AT ALL." The boys nodded. "Okay then. We'll lead the way."

They trudged through the house and up the stairs, only pausing at Lily's bedroom door. She stuck her head inside and then quickly pulled it back out, shutting the door behind her.

"Erm… can you give us a few minutes?" She asked. The boys looked confused but nodded. The girls slid through the door. The room was a mess. They quickly put all dirty clothes in the hamper, hid their bras and knickers, hid their food and candy, and then tidied everything else up. Alice went and opened the door. Remus was the first one in, but Sirius was the one who saw it. There was one forgotten bra hanging over the chair tucked under Lily's desk. Marley saw what he was looking at, and before the other boys could turn to look, she whipped it off and stuffed it in her bag. Sirius raised his eyebrows and smirked but at her glare he said nothing.

"So… where are we sleeping exactly?" Remus asked. The girls froze. They had been thinking about ROOMS where the boys could sleep. Not BEDS. Before anyone could say anything Sirius sidled up to Marlene and slid an arm around her waist.

"I'll share a sleeping bag with this lovely lady." Marlene rolled her eyes, but there really was nowhere else the boys could sleep. Besides, they had bought extra large sleeping bags.

In the end Sirius and Marley were in one sleeping bag, Remus and Alice were in a sleeping bag, Peter was on a makeshift bed of pillows and blankets, and James and Lily were in the bed.

"This is nice." James whispered after he was sure everyone else was asleep. He had his head propped up on his arms that were behind his head. Lily rolled over to face him.

"Don't get used to it. This is the last time you will EVER be in my bed." She whispered.

James shook his head. "Nah. I mean, yeah this is nice, but I mean THIS," he swept his arm around the room.

"My bedroom?" Lily asked confused.

"No. All of us. Together. Acting friendly. Having fun. Not worrying about Death Eaters showing up and murdering us. Well, not right now anyway. This is how it should be. I wish we could stay this way forever." He trailed off into silence.

Lily just looked at him. Before she could say anything though, they were interrupted.

"NOOOOOOO! Don't touch me! I don't want to have a raccoon baby! Noooooo…" Sirius thrashed in his sleep. Marlene rolled over, still asleep and put her hand over his mouth.

"Shut up." She quickly quieted herself.

Lily looked at James and James looked at Lily. And then they both burst out laughing. "Ra-ra-raccoon…" James chortled, "BABIES!" Lily shouted. Their laughing was cut short when several pillows were thrown in quick succession at them.

"SHUT UP!" The teens on the floor yelled. Lily and James quieted.

Just as the two in the bed were about to drift off to sleep, James heard Lily whisper, "I know what you mean. I want that too. Both things." Then she reached over and took his hand, and fell asleep. James grinned and Sirius whispered, "SCORE!"

"Wait, HUH? You are awake?" James whispered, sitting up, careful not to move Lily.

"Yeah. Duh. I woke up after your obnoxious laughter."

"I thought you fell back asleep!"

"Nah. This was too exciting. And it was so worth it!" A chorus of 'Yeah!'s filled the room.

"Wait… Are you ALL awake?"

Silence.

"Okay fine. Just don't tell Lily, okay?" The others all agreed, and went silent. James was the last to fall asleep as the sun started to rise in the sky.

AN: Please don't kill me because there were so many AN's. All I can say is that I was lol-ing the whole time I wrote this and whomever I read it to was lol-ing as well. So it has come to my attention that my AN's don't bold when I update a story from my Mac Book Pro even though they are bold in the document. Does anyone know how to fix this? OH AND REALLY IMPORTANT Does anyone know a good fan art drawer person who can illustrate my story 'SNAP!'? CC and I have been trying to find one so far unsuccessfully. Anyways thanks! Need I say read and review? You should know that by now…


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